Daily thoughts - Dad update

The past few days has been a daze. My dad was brought to the ICU more than 2 weeks ago. He is home now but he will never be able to walk again. He had a heart attack that left him in coma for 2 days. He miraculously came out of it but it messed up his head so bad that he can no longer even get up from his bed to sit. Its very sad to think that I thought he still stood a chance to get well. I may have hoped too much. I am somehow glad I can still talk to him and he still knows who I am.

My dad is only 67 years old yet he seem older. All the stress and probably bitterness has taken its toll on his once able and strong body. The fact that he has been a chronic smoker is also among the reason for his illness. Ive known of ether people way younger than him that have succumbed to their illness. I think Im kind of lucky that I have been given yet another chance, a last one, to give him the quality of life he deserves.

I have given up my job overseas to go home and take care of him. 3 months ago he was still able to walk and take care of himself. His rapid deterioration has left me feeling helpless. On top of the fact that its really exhausting to run errands for him, I also dont have enough money to buy all the medicines he needs. I try to also put a straight face so that he wont feel bad. He constantly tells me he is sorry that he is making my life difficult. I try to reassure him its okay but I have to choke back tears every time I tell him that I dont mind.

Lately my dad spends most of his time cooped up in his room. He does not have much of a choice. We have'nt bought a wheelchair yet to take him out to have some sunlight. I am working on that though. Hopefully by the end of this month, I can raise the funds. So until then, Dad stays in his room and watches TV.

My younger brother and I take turns preparing his lunch and dinner. I like cooking his favorite meals. The taxing part is moving him around on his bed. I would usually need the assistance of my brothers to prop him on the bed in a sitting position. I would admit that changing his soiled diapers is the hardest part. This is the first time I have changed diapers. I never had the chance to even change diapers on a baby so this was really something major to me. Well after the first two days, Ive gotten quite used to it.

Again, my dad would usually tell me he is sorry that he is causing me so much burden..I reassure him its really nothing. After all, its time to switch roles. He took good care of us when we were kids. Whatever we are doing now for him is nothing compared to all the sacrifices and love he has showered us with.

There is not much time left. One of these days Ill have to accept the inevitable. But until then, I hope I dont let him down..

Tomorrow Ill have to buy those dunkin bavarian filled donuts he loves.