It has been two months since my Dad passed away. It is true that somehow time has made me and my family adjust a bit. But there are days that I forget that he is gone. Like when I have an interesting story to tell about the cats or I cooked something special, I look for him. And it is still very painful to accept that I wont be able to share that story or meal with the most important man in my life.
There are also days I feel regret, guilt and anger. Regret, over not having left my job sooner. I spent only 4 months with him and I didnt expect that ill spend only a few months with him. Guilt for not having been more understanding and patient when he was forgetful, stubborn and indecisive. Anger for not getting the full cooperation and compassion from my own family.
I would still spend days crying and daydreaming he is with me, in the little store I put up for him. Chatting, laughing, playing with the cats.Him telling me another story Ive heard before but with the same joy and exuberance. With his toothy but winsome smile. And him knocking on my door to bring me and my husband goodies he got from town. Like these stuff he got for us a few weeks before he was physically incapacitated.
I miss him! If only I could have one more day with him, just one day to make him his favorite meal, watch his favorite movie with him, buy him anything he wants that I can afford.,Id be the happiest person on earth...But its a wish that will never happen. I just hope he knew that I loved him very much and it will never be the same without him..