a couple of weeks ago, a friend of mine just told me about a predicament he was in. he is seeing a girl who he thinks is "the one". everything seemed fine until he lost his job and had no choice but to rely on her. Initially it was her idea, he wasnt really keen on "sponging off" of the girl, he just felt it kinda went against his principles. But the girl seemed to really want him to stick around and let her foot the bill until he manages to get on his own feet. at that time it seemed to be the most plausible arrangement. Besides she claims she really loves him.
So he decided to stay, thinking it really was okay. Unfortunately, it wasnt that easy to find a job. the days stretched into weeks, and finally a month. Thats when she started whining. she suddenly came up with excuses like she has to save money and has to remit to her family yada yada yada. she let out this long dramatic monologue about how it hurts her that she cant help her family. In short, she was actually fed up with him having to rely on her..yes after a MONTH.
I couldnt believe it either. I had to ask my friend whether the girl was probably sending money to a family member who was sick and badly needed help financially. But no, that wasnt the case. The girl simply felt guilty she wasnt able to put away money especially at this time of her life that she can afford it. WOW. I didnt even want to comment. To pour more salt to my friends' wounds, she even lightly hinted that he probably would have saved a lot of money too if he hadnt lost his job.
OUCH. Right through the heart and the groin as well. I cant even imagine saying that to a man..especially a man I CLAIM TO LOVE.
It could have been the perfect opportunity to show and prove that their LOVE could weather any adversity. especially a minor crisis as this one.
I felt really sad..for my friend. He found a woman who was going to be there only when things looked up for her.
It was sad to witness that there was an expiration date for kindness and generosity in their relationship.. money mattered more than the special thing they had going. she didnt trust that he would eventually find a way, and just supported him anyway at least for a few months more, without doubt or pressure.
The good news now is he finally found a job.
and now i see they are both "happy". of course, things are in their favor. everything is again hunky dory.
Not so long ago, I met a man and we had a tough time during our first few years of married life. It was hard but worth it. We never discussed the issue of who is giving more in the relationship (in terms of money). In fact it was that experience that brought us closer and made us appreciate everything we have now. We learned to be more practical and grateful. MOst of all it made us realize who truly are our real friends.
It never crossed my mind that there should be a timeline for generosity. If someone asked me even, question, i would have been very insulted.
In my opinion, if you love someone, it would never even be an issue. the moment it becomes, then its already over. just my 2 cents.