Aug 15, 2014

Daily thoughts - Saying goodbye to Mork, Peter Pan, Mrs Doubtfire or simply to one of the best, the talented Robin Williams

It is with sadness that the world had to accept the untimely demise of a real talented genius. The death part was already shocking, but finding out he took his own life was truly unbelievable. I have always loved Robin Williams. I watched him as a kid in our black and white television as Mork the lovable "alien". Growing up I went on to watch his many other successful movies. I think I have watched most of his films. I even bought the John Irving Novel the World according to Garp to supplement the movie with the same book title. I have always enjoyed watching him in funny movies and marveled at his versatility for also playing serious roles. Hook was one of my favorite movies where he played the hypothetical "what if he got old" Peter Pan. When I was in Medical School, I was inspired by the true to life adaptation of Patch Adams' story where again Robin Williams delivered a stellar performance. He is one of the best actors around and when he topbills a movie, most of the time, he gets a positive reception.

One of his movies that I couldn't forget was What dreams may come. I have always been mystified with suicide. Ive always wondered what goes on in a person's last few days or hours before he decides to take his life. Having experienced overwhelming sadness myself I have always contemplated on it. I have experienced being on the verge of ending it all but never mustering that courage to actually do it. Fortunately, I manage to snap out of it somehow and move on. In that movie, What dreams may come, the mother succumbed to suicide because she could no longer bear the pain of losing her two children. I was young when I saw that movie but the gist of it gripped me like I can totally relate. I know what it is like to love someone deeply. that that kind of loss is devastating. crazy as it may sound to some, I always mourn the death of my pets.  It takes months for me to get over it. Up to this day I remember all the names of my pets and sometimes i still  cry when i remember how happy they used to make me feel. Now, I cannot even fathom how it would be if i lost my children or even my three cats.  Moreso, I dont even want to imagine losing my soulmate, who is the love of my life.

When I lost my Dad 4 years ago, I was so sad I couldnt go out of the house for a month. The pain is not as bad anymore now, but sometimes I would still have these terrible depressing spells that would immobilize me and i just want to spend the whole day in bed, asleep. But I have never brought myself to commit suicide. I do not know what I am afraid of, or maybe someone out (or UP ) there was just giving me enough strength to go through the day. Or maybe im just really a coward to finish the job.

Robin Williams as we all seem to know him, may have had everything in the world. He had a beautiful family, fame, money, the privilege of being associated with the upper echelons of society. But he probably just had an unshakable kind of loneliness that cannot be treated by therapy or even the seeming insulation of all the good things life has to offer. not fame, wealth, even love. I will not judge him for what he has done. In fact i would rather hope that wherever he is , he has found comfort and peace. I also pray that other people in the same predicament he was in, would find the help they need, on time.

It is really sad to think that in a world full of so many people, one can still feel so alone. That even amidst the all the beauty, what stands out is the pain, the ugly chaotic world. The kind of hopelessness that can dissuade even the most seemingly blessed people.

I said my prayers last night and thanked the Lord for giving us a wonderful talented man like Robin Williams.

But before I retired for bed, I also had to thank the Lord that even in this cramped apartment I live in, with my 3 rowdy pets, an uncertain job and paycheck, I am, at the moment, at peace with myself. And in retrospect, I feel nothing but gratitude that in those very dark moments of my life, the Lord somehow has pulled me out of that desperation and reminded me there is still hope. Thankful that He has always provided me and my husband with everything we needed. He always kept us safe,well fed and sheltered.

The days wont be great all the time but at least today it is.

Again, Thank you Robin Williams for entertaining us all these years. For bringing out the laughs and tears. You will be sorely missed. Thank you most of all that despite this tragedy, you have also reminded us to appreciate what we have. That fame, wealth isn't all that. That even people who seem successful can feel pain and be unhappy. It is not right for us to assume that sadness is exclusive only for regular folks like us.

Thank you for being a part of our lives even for just this brief moment. I truly hope you are happy now wherever you are.

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