Dec 2, 2010

Daily thoughts - Pruning

It is indeed frustrating and a little sad when you have to sever ties with someone you consider close to your heart. But you have to do it because a relationship is not worth saving if there is no transparency, trust and respect. In my opinion, these are the three important things that make a friendship or relationship work.

I believe in the essence of trustworthiness. Many times Ive hold on to very dark secrets that have been shared to me by friends and family in the height of their inebriation or just vulnerability. Some people have the tendency to bare themselves on occasions when they are overwhelmed with so much problems or simply they just want someone to talk to. Most of the time the recipient for such delicate thoughts are people they think are worthy of their trust. I am really honored when friends/family share such secrets to me. I know it is cathartic for them to unwind and express themselves without being judged. Somehow I was hoping that when the time comes, the golden rule will apply to me in this case. Dont we all want that type of reciprocity?

Unfortunately, this is not always the case.

Trust is a sacred thing. It is an unwritten rule that no matter what happens, you should never use a person's secret against him as ammunition.

Once you do its called Blackmail

source : Naruto

It takes years to develop trust as they say and seconds to shatter it. I would find it a rarity these days if I met someone who has not experienced a friend or family betray him. It is commonplace especially in issues involving money. A brother, mother or friend ceases to be important when the "root of all evil" is concerned. Try asking any friend about this and they will give you a lengthy account of a number of friends or even a family member(s) that has disappointed them over money.

If you cant trust the person, its time to let go. Otherwise they will "smear" the ugly in your life. They will hit you where they know it will hurt. They will use your secrets as leverage. So yeah, like furniture or objects not worth keeping, if youve had them for more than 2 years, but you they have no use to you, they keep breaking and are unreliable, time to discard it. Otherwise, dont be surprised if they later on disappoint you.

Respect is another thing bestowed to those who deserve it. It cannot be demanded. As the old saying goes, it is earned. Also I agree that being an older person does not automatically entitle someone to getting respect. If you are a major asshole, a liar, a thief or anything of that same category, your age doesnt matter.

Unless you think that coercing someone would work too

Transparency is simply being fortright or direct. Being honest is essential to a healthy relationship, the lack of it ,detrimental. You dont have to tell everything, but make sure that the part you do say is true. Otherwise, STFU.

By the way I found out that there is a new National Facebook Unfriend Day. where Jimmy Kimmel suggests that we “cut out some of the friend fat in your life” on Facebook . It doesnt sound as a bad idea. One good thing is the status updates will be less on your facebook (imagine a thousand less farmville updates from non real friends) and you get to feel "lighter" maintaining a healthy circle of friends. I think facebook or other social networks are meant for you to be in touch with real friends. Or is it a popularity contest?

I think even celebrities only have a number of friends they would add to their social network. Thats why they have a fans club. Try adding a not so famous actor/actress on facebook and you'll get that "what-a-bitch-she-didnt-accept-my-facebook-invitation-but-she-is-not-that-famous-yet" reaction. Haha yeah I tried it. But Im still a fan of... =)

So in conclusion, its time to "prune" my life off deadwood. Life is too short to please everyone and to hold on to hoarded things or people that are not worth keeping. It is not bad to let go. It is necessary. We have to be honest to ourselves before we can be honest to others.

Favorite quotes/poem/sayings for the day :

Travel light to get to your desired destination faster.

Assumptions are the termites of relationships. ~Henry Winkler

"As we grow up,
we learn that even the one person
that wasn't supposed to ever let you down...
probably will.
You will have your heart broken
probably more than once
and it's harder every time.
You'll break hearts too,
so remember how it felt when yours was broken.
You'll fight with your best friend.
You'll blame a new love for things an old one did.
You'll cry because time is passing too fast
and you'll eventually lose someone you love.
So take too many pictures,
laugh too much,
and love like you have never been hurt
because every sixty seconds you spend upset
is a minute of happiness you'll never get back."
Author: Unknown

Lots of people want to ride with you in the limo, but what you want is someone who will take the bus with you when the limo breaks down. ~Oprah Winfrey

“There are things that we never want to let go of, people we never want to leave behind. But keep in mind that letting go isn’t the end of the world, it’s the beginning of a new life.-Anonymous

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