Feb 1, 2010

Daily Thoughts - Goodbye M L

I know you've been with me through a lot. It has been a decade and you've been around during the good and bad times. I remember the first time we met. It was at Madison near my former university. I was hanging out with friends and one of the girls introduced me to you. At first I didn't like you. You made me feel awful. But my friend told me that I will get used to you if I gave you a chance. So I gave it a shot and yeah we did finally get along. A few months after I met you, I went to Medical School. I saw my Madison friends less and less because I got busy with school. Yet you were there with me. It was a love hate relationship that we had and some people I knew told me you were bad for me. They told me to get rid of you. I knew they cared but they didnt understand. How could they? Theyve never been in the same relationship.

I could always turn to you when I had a stressful day. You make me feel relaxed. You are always there when I feel like giving up and when I just want to hang out and drink with my other buddies. Youve been loyal and available.

But I can feel that our relationship is taking a toll on me. This has to stop.

Over the years Ive become too attached and dependent on you. If you were not around, Id be irritable and restless. I just feel that I cant go on one day if youre not there. It sounds crazy but its true. Yet there are also times youve made my life so miserable.

I have a hard time breathing lately because of all the stress you put me up to. But its not your fault. You never begged me to come and get you. The initiative has always been mine. You make it impossible for me to avoid you though. Almost everywhere I go, Im reminded of you.

When I moved to another country I thought I could forget you. For a year and a half I managed to wean myself off of your clutches. But how I missed you. So again, I was back to square one. It went on for another year and a half. I know its wrong but Ive gotten accustomed to reaching out to you.

Ive been thinking of how to really break this off and it has been hard. But I know that if I do not do anything now, I dont think I will ever get myself to ever do anything about it in the future. Old habits die hard is very true. So after years of contemplating about it and planning, I have firmly decided that we have to end this. It has been a tough ride for me but not only are you bad for my health but youre costly too. I have to say good bye to you now. I cannot promise I will not miss you but I definitely dont want you back.

So long Marlboro Lights. Time to end our one decade affair.

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