Apr 22, 2011

Daily thoughts - Holy Week and Daddy memories

8 days from today will be my Dad's 7th month death anniversary. Like I said in my post a month ago it still seems like yesterday.

I was having dinner 2 days ago and my younger brother came home and we shared a fruit cocktail dessert I made and reminisced on previous holy week that were spent with my Dad.  For the past 3 years I was not around but before I left the country, I usually spend every holiday or off day with my Dad. I would visit him in Pampanga and he would make me a special dish like steamed Bangus or paksiw. At night he would also score some cold beers from the nearby store and a plate of sisig. We would spend the evening, with my brother and his wife, and talk about life, our pets, what we want for the future. We also would sometimes rant about whats wrong with the world and our family. But we would always retire to bed happy and content.

Daddy and one of his cats

Daddy's dogs

Daddy and his dog Happy

a neat bread he got for me

Daddy's cat polyp

My dad, brother and sister in law

Although I always say that Im kind of glad that my Dad doesnt have to experience pain from his illness anymore, I still think of him and miss him especially on days like this.

I know Holy week is a time to reflect on God's selflessness.. He sacrificed his own son for us to be saved. I was not a religious person and sometimes Im ashamed to admit that..but my Dad is very faithful. He prayed regularly and reads the bible and other books about God. With all the bad things that happened to him, I couldnt understand why he had so much faith. Ever since he died, I tried to talk to the Lord more often, sometimes with anger and doubt. But I think of what my Dad would say if he was alive. He wouldnt want me to ever question God's ways. He would probably say, always trust.

I terribly miss Daddy. I have been here for almost 11 months but I cant even bring myself to go to the beach or hang out and party with friends. . I am not sure whether Ill be in the mood to do any of that anytime soon. I hope I can do something memorable before I leave this country this year though.

I have always promised Daddy that I would bring him somewhere nice once I come back from Singapore. I was never able to do that. The last place I ever took him to was Robinson's place where we had lunch at Sbarro and he spent 2 hours at Daiso. He really liked that store.

I honestly dont feel like going out to have a good time. not yet..

The only outlet that seems to make me happy is when I go out and join a funrun/race. also getting groceries for my cats but thats about it.

The day before my Dad died, I donned my running outfit and went into his room to give him a snack and change his diapers. It never crossed my mind it would be the last day I would be able talk to him.  He apologized for taking too much of my time and told me to keep running. He says that it is one of the things he thinks Im good at. He told me " Anak, dont ever quit running or drawing. Live your passion and do not waste your life like I did." I didnt say anything  because I knew I would cry if I did.With that he asked me to go coz he wanted to nap.

I went running that afternoon. That night, he seemed tired and didnt want to be bothered. The next day, was the saddest day of my life.

My Dad died penniless. He hadnt acquired anything that would be of any monetary value in this world. But I think he left a better legacy than money for me. He restored my faith in God and made me realize all the more that the best investment in this world is kindness to your children. Another thing my dad taught me is to love your pets even if they wont be able to say thank you, because the one up there will do it for them.

I love and miss you Daddy.. everyday.

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