Oct 26, 2010

Daily thoughts - sari sari update

Finally, my sari sari store has opened for business! It still needs some work but it looks a lot better now after we have spruced it up a bit and added the goodies. During the first day I had only one customer and it was my mom. hahaha funny yeah. But the store didnt attract too many people because it was raining hard and also I did not have much groceries. The store looked empty and sad. 

front of sari sari
shelves with some groceries
Ive been sick the past 2 days too and I havent had the time to getadditional supplies. Yesterday, my eldest brother drove to the town with me and we bought more stuff. Ive set up the place and it seems more people have noticed that the old store (my brother used to operate it a year ago) is back to life! 

more candies now!

shelves with more stuff

first customer- Pepper (hehe)

I know it will take awhile before I get my investment back. But really, Its not about the money. This is one of the few things Ive always wanted to do for my dad. He wanted a small sari sari to tend. Unfortunately he is not around anymore.  I just like getting this place set up and putting it under his name. Eddie's sari sari store. It makes me smile.

The tough part now is to keep myself from eating all the delicious chocolates and candies. Ive already consumed 5 tiny bottles of coke. I paid for it though and put it in the money box Hehehe.

store at night
Have to get the light and chickenwires tomorrow! Good night!

Oct 24, 2010

Daily thoughts - doodling

sketch for today. I like doodling pretty women. With or without a subject or photo to copy. Ive sketching for many years now but mostly just for fun. I dont know how to use my charcoal pencils well yet but hopefully after a few trial and error phases Ill improve. Too bad also my Dad has passed away and I never got around to getting pointers on oil painting. Its a good thing that youtube has a lot of tutorials to help me with my goal.

Oct 20, 2010

Daily thoughts - empathy

Quote for the day "some people assume that they know what another person is going through. they give unsolicited advise among others. when all they could do is just leave the person alone and let him deal with it, in his own pace. remember, you cant tell a smoker to quit smoking if youre not a reformed smoker."

among the things i hate most is getting a person's opinion on how to deal with MY life. sometimes, im a little guilty of that. But most of the time, i let my friends deal with their own shit. not that i dont care, but i simply believe that no matter how many times you tell a person to snap out of it, you cant make him. it is still up to him to do that. you can only do so much. also, once is enough. there is no point reiterating the same message over and over. 

lately ive been getting some flack for not getting over my father's death and moving on. the worse part is these people dont even have an idea of what im going through. the nerve to lecture me about moving on when both their folks are still alive. i am completely aware that there are other people in worse situations than i am. that does not make it easier for me though. besides, what right do these bastards have to tell me how i should feel when they honestly have no clue how it feels like. 

annoying i reckon. one day ill be okay but until then, all i can say to these people is FUCK OFF. let me mourn and ill do it until im tired of being sad and then ill move on.

Oct 15, 2010

Daily thoughts - coping, relaxing and running

It has been 2 weeks since my Dad passed away. It is a difficult phase. Me and my family are adjusting still. This afternoon we had some people to pray for my dad. They went to our house and afterwards snacks followed. This was the 9th day of a 9day prayer for the dead session. Im not Catholic so I dont really understand the whole ritual. All I know is that it is meant to make the deceased rest in peace.

There was also cake and some delicious food prepared. All my brothers also took time off from their busy schedule to be here.

I miss my Dad a lot and I really want to believe that time will make the pain go away.

Ive been spending the whole week after the burial just hanging out at the house. The funeral has been hectic and it left me beat. I needed to also relax and rejuvenate. Also, I still feel too sad to go out or do anything. Next week I have to get my ass out of the house though and start getting my supplies ready for my small business. Moping around gets tiring after awhile. And like I said, my Dad wouldnt want me to be sad all the time. Im sure he wants me to move on and be happy with my life. Time to also make time to hang out with my family. When I leave next year, it will be a few years before I can come back here to visit.

Ive also gone back to running. Its kinda hard to force myself sometimes to go out that door but I know its always the difficult part. Its like that first 10 minutes when I start jogging too. I notice that after that ten minutes, my legs start rolling effortlessly. I really hope I can keep up with this. I have this big goal in mind when I get to NYC next year.

Overall, the week that went by was good. My cats have also been instrumental in buffering my emotions and keeping my sanity at bay.

I know it will get better each day.

Oct 9, 2010

Who's in charge? Me! -Setting up my sari sari store

In my About me Tab, I mentioned that I graduated with a degree in BS Biology. On top of that, it would take a mere 8 months for me to finish my Medical Degree and be a Doctor of Medicine. Of course I still have to take a qualifying licensure exam in order to officially tag my name with an MD. So with all these degree up my sleeve, it is not surprising that I get a shocked reaction from my friends when I told them that I want to tend a sari sari store.

I have also worked as an agent for several call centers here and abroad and have earned 5 certifications from the Singapore College of Insurance. In fact I constantly get calls from employers for good offers if I sign up for their financial accounts. Originally, I wanted this store so I can work at home to take care of my Dad. Now that he is not around, I have more freedom to do anything I want and find a job that can sustain me. But Ive been contemplating that I want more time to do the things I love instead of getting a bigger income.

So, as unglamorous at it may sound, I think getting set up with this sari sari store business will allow me more time to read books, paint, hang out with my cats and even prepare for the marathon Im aspiring to join by end of this year or early next year.

Maki, one of our cats

Thumper and Piolo (yup there is a cat on the belly)
Pepper and kittens

My Singaporean cats

Starting a sari sari store is not really that complicated. You just need a small spot in front of your house, and of course a little capital. Our neighborhood is 20 minutes away from the town proper that sells practically everything. A tricycle ride is cheap and you can get everything you need at least once a week. Sometimes however you miss some items that you may need urgently. That's how these little convenience stores come in handy. Soda, cigarettes, instant noodles, canned goods, rice, soap,shampoo, detergent and mosquito coils are among the basic things that residents here normally use on a daily basis. You can add to that list stuff like vinegar, soy sauce, salt and sugar. You just need the basic items to get set up with your own little business.

inside a sari sari store (source : wikipedia images)

There are several small stores already in our area but they also have items that are not readily available. Ill have to go around and do some research so I can sell the goods that these other stores may not have. Although I think, they might have it most of the time. Im considering to supply mainly rice since not all the stores here buy a whole sack of rice since it is costly if not bought by the bulk. I already have a tiny area in front of our house that was previously a store my younger brother used to operate. Since he now has an internet cafe/mini restaurant, I can take over his old store. I dont even have to invest money to have the place built. All Ill be needing would be some cleaning materials and little canisters to put some of the goods.

small sari sari store in a province

Im really excited with the prospect of running my own business no matter how small it is. I might also add a top up for phone  credits for GLOBE and SMART subscribers. The possibilities are endless! Yeah the enthusiasm is overwhelming. Now I just have to clean that area downstairs and get the supplies in town. Also Ill be setting up my command center in the living room so I can surf the net or read my ebooks while waiting for customers=)

My command center

Oct 8, 2010

Have you been dun goofed?

If you've never heard of the line, you can check this link for some info. I dont want to go into all the details of the history of that popular "cyberphrase". I would admit that when I first watched the video below, I thought it was hilarious though But then I also realized, it was mean. What if it was my own Dad being mocked by the whole world? I know his kid Jessie went overboard with some videos she uploaded on the internet. Still I think, how they all reacted to the whole thing was overkill. Her line about the glock and the slushy brain is shocking coming from a kid though.

I thought of writing this post because Ive noticed a series of cyber-bullying happening lately. Ive read a string of suicide among teenagers because of getting nasty messages and even videos uploaded on the internet. Most recently a Rutgers student killed himself after his roomate videotaped him having sex with another guy, The roommate allegedly streamed the video on the net.

A few years ago, a young girl named Megan Meier killed herself after being receiving an offensive and demoralizing message by a supposed "boy" she had grown to like on the internet. The boy turned out to be the mother of a former friend of Megan.

Early this year a talented girl, Alexis Skye Pilkington killed herself too. The list goes on. My heart goes out to these kids. 

I honestly know how these kids feel. A year ago I had my share of cyberbullying. Someone took some photos I had uploaded on myspace and used it on a blog. The story was so twisted that i shook my head in disbelief so many times It made me dizzy. The author of that blog made sure to make me look as bad as possible and incited for her fans to say the most racist and hateful comments you can imagine. And since I was not a local, and I was unpopular and poor, I was subject to a  thousand of these trolls' malevolent messages and comments. They went as far as locating my twitter and myspace accounts to make sure their messages were received. The messages were really very revolting. These people didnt even know me yet they based their assumptions of who I am on one person's account.

The reason? My husband thought her blog was garbage and that she is ugly. It didnt even have anything to do with me.  I didnt even think the girl was ugly. But then, I started getting messages even on my twitter, the girl calling me uglier than her. I didnt say she was ugly. I said I was prettier than her, out of jest.

Well since my husband is American, it was easier to pick on the wife who was from a 3rd world country,.then the issue of racism reared its ugly head. Also I have a lot of photos on myspace, uneditted and goofy. No I dont know how to use adobe photoshop.  The perfect material to use for a write up about an ugly, Filipino living in a dingy apartment with her jobless husband. 

Up to this day I really cant believe people would go through such length to retaliate just because someone does not like the way they look. Some people dont find Angelina Jolie pretty, but she does not care. She does not stoop down and attack every individual who does not appreciate her beauty. 

My experience with cyberbullying was a year ago. It was a painful, humiliating incident but I was over it in a month. Im kinda glad I had the maturity to deal with it and not let it get the best of me. Fortunately, I took it in stride no matter how embarrassing it was. Because whatever these people, who tried to diss me said, it didnt really matter. The truth is, Ive been living in their country for 3 years. I kept wondering where these people were. There were a thousand of them who called  me ugly, a maid, that I had yellow teeth and that I should just kill myself. I didnt see a thousand goodlooking kids in those 3 years Ive stayed in their country. So Im positive that these keyboard warriors like to say such things on the net but in reality, they have insecurities that are deepseated. Putting another person down mayhave made them feel good about themselves. I hope I have helped them in that department. I am not arrogant to say that I dont think Im ugly. I just happen to have the confidence to say I am happy with the way I look. I dont have any intentions to resort to any aesthetic procedure to alter my appearance. Id probably just exercise and use make up to accentuate the features I find pleasing. I am proud and grateful of what the good Lord has given me.

Besides,the only opinion that matters to me is that of those I respect and care about. 

If maybe I was still a teenager, it is possible I would have succumbed to the same fate as these kids who tragically took their lives. I know what feels like to be ridiculed and harassed on the internet. Its not a great feeling and experience. But it is during such times like that you have to reach out to those who care about you. A great network of friends and family really can come in handy in such moments of despair and helplessness. 

It is sad however to think that there are people out there who are so evil to not think what if this happened to them. What if someone posted a video of them making out with someone? What if their little sister or brother gets taunted in school and later on it drives them to kill themselves? Some people can only take so much.

I heard they will pass a law in the usa to prevent cyberbullying.  But there have been so many laws passed to prevent pedophiles from proliferating by the number too. sadly, they seem to multiply like fungi, also at an alarming rate. I can only pray that no more kids have to be victims of such monstrosity. online or otherwise.

 to  the victims who died because of cyberbullying, Rest in peace.

Oct 6, 2010

To my Hero, An online Eulogy

Im still reeling over the events this past few days. We buried my Dad on October 5 at 3:00PM. It was a very sad, emotional moment for me and my family. He died on Thursday morning 1045 am September 30, on my brother's birthday. He has been bedridden for a month and we have been taking care of him at home. It has been one tough month and somehow I feel some comfort knowing he does not have to suffer anymore. I know in time, the pain may go away. Right now however the feeling is raw and its still hard to imagine that I wont see him anymore when I go downstairs and check his room. I have been aware from the start that this day will arrive. I remember saying 2 weeks ago that I might have to face the inevitable. This is that dreadful day.

Seeing him on his deathbed was disturbing and heart wrenching. There he was my hero, skin and bones, helpless, lifeless. I tried my best to give what I could when he was alive but I still feel some guilt thinking I could have done better. But its pointless to brood over it now since he is gone. Time for me to accept it and move on. It is going to be one uphill climb from today but I want to make the most out of my life because I know that's what my Dad wants. He surely he does not want to see me unhappy and mourning forever. I know that wherever he is now, he is happy and at peace. No more suffering nor pain.

Its going to be really hard to live each day knowing I wont see him again. But I know this separation is temporary. One day we will be reunited. I will cherish all the great times we had and I am grateful to the Lord for giving me such a wonderful Father.

Some testimonials about my Dad that I wish to share:


I didn't get to know my father-in-law, Eddie very well, but during the short time I did know him, he left a lasting impression. Eddie was the kind of guy that always had a smile on his face and usually a story to share as well. It seemed like he enjoyed nothing more than sitting around the dinner table, talking about life, places we'd been, and where we hoped to go. It was obvious that he cared about his family, and he made me feel like a part of that family as well. I regret not being able to spend more time with him, but I'll always remember him fondly. May he rest in peace and may his memory continue to bring us comfort for years to come.

From his siblings:

Eddie is my older brother & when we were growing up I looked up to him as my here as he was very smart & knew a lot of things. I learned many good things from him. As kids we were together a lot playing,going to different places where we had a lot of fun. Of course wewere in some minor troubles sometimes but our dear parents were always there to discipline us. From being kids, teenagers to full manhood, we were very close. He was a kind, patient & ideal brother than anybody can be proud of. I am really very sorry that I am not able to attend today's services. I will miss you very much, my dear brother. God bless you.


Eddie & I were very close too. Being a girl & older than him, he did not play with me as he did with our youngest brother Ranny. He did spent a lot of time with either Ranny or Rudy (our oldest brother). He was a wonderful brother who did nice things for people who are dear to him. Of course he had his faults or shortcomings as he is only human but he always tried his best to be a good son, brother, husband, father, grandfather as well as a friend. I very much regret being absent on this "occasion" but I feel that I am there spiritually. I miss my brother very much. May you rest in peace & God bless your soul, my dearest brother.


Being the oldest sibling, all I can say is that we will all miss you. We all love you. You will be in heaven with God so no more physical sufferings or agony, dear brother Eddie.


I wish to remember my Father as the kind-hearted man who loves animals, action movies, painting, sketching, current events good food and conversation. He is very talented. I wrote an entry months ago with some photos of his few paintings. What I cannot forget about my Dad is his generosity. He never fails to bring me and my brothers special treats everytime he comes home from work. Even around the time he no longer worked, he still maintained that very thoughtful trait of his. His kindness extended to our pets at home too. He would even use the last money he has just to make sure he gets us something from the store, a chocolate bar, pringles, candies, fruits, anything just to see us smile. He taught me that in this life, you should value your family over money or material things. He always reminded us that when the time comes that he wont be around anymore, we should not forget to help our siblings when they're having problems. And he would reiterate, because family is everything. No success, money ,or any job will ever equate to the kind of happiness a family can give you.

I will miss my Dad very much. He will always be the greatest Dad and my Hero. I love you Daddy.