Feb 23, 2010

Daily thoughts - on running, a good dinner and cheesecake!

We managed to get our ass out the door and finished a good run.

Our time read:
Completed #iMapMyRun (Run): Distance 4.04 mi, Duration 0:45:18, Pace 11:13 min/mile, Speed 5.4 mph

The pace was good. A little fast for me but manageable. I could carry a conversation while breathing, which meant it is comfortable. Only my left heel hurt a bit but other than that I didnt feel too exhausted and overall I felt great!

Today was special because my wonderful husband made dinner for us. It was mac and cheese, porkchop and steamed asparagus. It was deliccious.

We had dessert after our run though.

That cheesecake could probably be what, 1000kcal? Hell I didnt care, it was so good!

Today was a really very good day. I didnt even spend 1 cent on food but I had all these blessings waiting for me when I got home. =)

Thank you baby for taking care of me and our little brats. =)

Running quote for the day :

"The task ahead of you is never greater than the strength within you." - Unknown

"It's very hard in the beginning to understand that the whole idea is not to beat the other runners. Eventually you learn that the competition is against the little voice inside you that wants you to quit." - George Sheehan

Feb 21, 2010

Running quotes for the day

Do a little more each day than you think you possibly can.
Lowell Thomas

Success is to be measured not so much by the position that one has reached in life as by the obstacles which he has overcome while trying to succeed.
Booker T. Washington

Champions do not become champions when they win the event, but in the hours, weeks, months and years they spend preparing for it. The victorious performance itself is merely the demonstration of their championship character.
T. Alan Armstrong

Daily thoughts - on past flames

Yesterday I received an unexpected sms from someone I used to date. Before I go on with the meat of the story, I think I should give a brief overview of what this guy meant to me.

Let's call him Logan.

Logan and I didnt part as enemies after our relationship was over. He even saw me off when I left the country 3 years ago. But after that I never heard from him. I tried to send him messages when I went home last December 2007. He didnt reply so I thought maybe the number didnt work anymore. I still tried to send him sms in 2008 on his birthday, Christmas or whatever holiday it was. I didnt receive any response. I figured he may have moved on and doesnt want me to be part of his life. Or simply his phone got lost or disconnected.

Logan was a guy who I really pined for a long time. It was 10 years ago when I first met him. He was the quintessential hearthrob. Tall, dark handsome and also intelligent. Women were just completely taken with his good looks and confident swagger. I was one of them. The difference? I never slept with him no matter how many times I had gone out with him. It may sound self righteous but no that wasnt the case. He just told me that one day he wants us to be friends without me having to feel weird or embarrassed. To tell you frankly, thats one of the things he said that was absolutely true. Im a conservative person. I believe that Love is a sacred thing. Not that I think premarital sex is bad but if it can be avoided, Id say it best be reserved for only the person you would like to spend the rest of your life with. Its ideal but of course it does not necessarily happen in real life most of the time. We are human after all. Besides, when you fall in love, you are led to believe that its that person you want to spend your life with. Unfortunately sometimes, the feeling is not mutual.

Logan may seem the kind of guy who would take the willing and able. Maybe he is in some way. But he was actually was not bad to me. He did not take advantage of me. I just felt that he always wanted me to be there for him. As a friend? I dont know, he refers to me as one but acts all jealous when I show interest in someone else. The thing though was he seemed to treat women like a trendy outfit that has to be discarded once the season was over. He once told me I was special. I was special in a way that he would date some random chicks along the way but still he would call me on special occasions and greet me on my birthday and show his disapproval on any guy I date. He still wants me to show only my devotion to him. What sort of twisted shit is that?

It was a confusing stage and relationship. It was in 2002 I just decided not to talk to him anymore. I was tired of his bullshit and I just wanted to get him out of my system. I guess he wasnt happy to hear that though. We didnt communicate for 2 years until Around December 2004 when he got in touch with me again. From then on we have been good friends until 2007.

So I wonder why did he just suddenly dropped me and then get in touch with me again after 3 years.

I received his sms yesterday and he said he was in town and wanted to meet up with me. I told him I was with my husband. He asked who he is, if we have kids and what his nationality was. I answered all his questions and also that I wasnt sure I can make it to see him today because I had plans. I even kidded him that I thought he got hitched by force or what we call pikot in the Philippines.

He didnt seem amused though. After I sent him that sms, I didnt hear from him again. The last message he sent says he will be flying back to Manila tomorrow.

I am not mad. I just feel sorry for him because he had all these women in the past who truly loved him. Yet, he acted in an Alfie-ish way. Now that he finds out that we have moved on and we are actually happy, he cant seem to accept it.

It just strikes me as odd that if he was expecting me to hold out all these years for him?

Somehow I should be secretly gloating over this because he seems miserable.
Honestly, that is not the case. He was still a good friend to me. We were just better off as friends than lovers.

Im really very happy at how my life has turned out, without him in the picture.

I was very young once. I was reckless with my heart and yet idealistic. I dreamt of meeting that man who would come sweep me off my feet one day like the ones I read in those mills and boonclassics that my mom had on her dresser table.

I even thought it was him. But he just made me feel inadequate. I was good enough to be ..his friend.

I was hurt, but Im also glad that I put off love and just enjoyed my life. I believed that destiny will reveal to me one day what it has in store.

It was great that when I met my husband, I was happy with myself, with no hang ups. I was not in the rebound, nor desperately seeking for love.

I am content with my life. I have found the most extraordinary love.

Somehow I have Logan to thank for thinking of me less.

Feb 20, 2010

Facebook wall post error

I tried to share a link on facebook today and while I was posting it on my wall
It did a security check except there was no word on the small window.
Then it just timed me out and told me I failed the security check:

Any thoughts on this?

Ownership, on pets and otherwise

What is ownership? For me its a lot like adopting a cat. You bring the cat home, make sure it is fed, bring it to the vet when it needs it shots. You may even want it spayed for health reasons. Simply because it is a responsible way of taking care of only the number of cats you can handle. If cats keep multiplying because you dont get them spayed, you might end up giving them away or worse dumping them in some garbage bin.

I have never abandoned a cat in my life and I have no plans of doing so. Even when the odds are grim and my finances make it impossible for me to get by, I find a way to ensure that I do not have to give them up. No Im not a saint. I just consider cats no different from me. My parents had me and although I may be a pain the neck while I was growing up, they didnt kick me out of the house. Although there were times I knew I caused them a lot of grief and heartaches, I am their responsibility and there is no way of changing that. If I was some nut case maybe putting me in a psych ward would be justified. Fortunately, I am not (I hope) so they had to put up with me until I was old enough to wean mysel off of their care. In my opinion animal should not be treated any less. Unless the pet becomes rabid for some reason, then its time to let go. Other than that, its a FOR LIFE arrangement.

Ownership is also applicable in other areas of our life. For instance, our job. There are times we encounter some difficult tasks and we want to duck and chuck it to the next person whom we think can handle it better. Delegation is necessary but if we can do it, I dont see the need why we have to pass the bucket to someone else. I have witnessed so many able people do this on a daily basis. My reaction has gradually evolved from surprise to annoyance to disgust to acceptance and most recently, indifference. I guess there is no end to it. You change one and make them realize it but the world is teeming of such people so the cycle does not end. Its sad but it would be a lot sadder if you end just like one of them right?

So my solution is to just do my job, do the deed and move on.

Besides, I used to be like that when I didnt know any better. Also Ive met some people who have inspired me to "just do it" than whine and ruin my day.

Oh and yeah Ive also been given extraordinary service by some people who have gone that extra mile and went beyond the scope of their responsibility.

Im still learning each day and its just fair to give everyone that leeway on constant self improvement.

Anwyay, speaking of ownership, my cat just took a big dump. My turn to scoop the turds. Damn.

Anyone want to adopt a slightly obese cat? =)

Running quotes for the day

"He who is not courageous enough to take risks will accomplish nothing in life."
- Muhammad Ali

Pain is only temporary, but pride lasts forever- Lance Armstrong.

and of course my all time favorite:

"To give anything less than your best is to sacrifice the Gift."
Steve Prefontaine   

Daily thoughts on Marmie

I have been keeping tabs on my new precious Marmie's progress. Im yet to raise the funds to finally adopt her but she is one of the things that really highlight my day.

Here are some of her adorable photos taken last January

Photos taken on February:









My she has grown! Hopefully March will be the day I can take her home.

Feb 19, 2010

Daily Thoughts and today's workout

I was late today for work and worse I dropped my keys in the train. My pantsuit has become so loose that anything i put in it falls out when i sit down. The good news is Ive lost weight but I still feel sad I lost my damn keys.

Today's run was good. I felt energized although a bit exhausted. My legs didnt hurt and my breathing was not labored. I had to stop because I want to gradually increase the distance. Im afraid that if I go too excited Id overdo it and be sore the entire day. But yeah the run was wonderful.

Completed Regular Run. 330 (kcal) Distance 3.89 mi. Duration 00:45:00

My cat is still in heat and I feel guilty for not paying too much attention to her. She was going nuts when I laid the yoga mat on the floor though. Again they thought it was for them so I let them scratch it to their heart's content. Now theyre passed out on the bed and they look like they went for a run themselves.

Work was not too tiring today. We had a short briefing and also the lion dance. It was no different from the lion dance last year but still I find it so entertaining. All the commotion and noise startled one of the customers I was talking to. He was amused though. hehehe

Well TGIF! but hell I still have work on Saturday. Im looking forward to the wedding we will be attending on Sunday though. Im sure it will be exciting!

Running quote for the day:

"We run, not because we think it is doing us good, but because we enjoy it and cannot help ourselves...The more restricted our society and work become, the more necessary it will be to find some outlet for this craving for freedom. No one can say, 'You must not run faster than this, or jump higher than that.' The human spirit is indomitable."
-Sir Roger Bannister, first runner to run a sub-4 minute mile

Feb 16, 2010

First time Marathoner but more than a decade long runner

Ive been running since 1993. I have also competed in several races back in College. Back then we also had our weekly road runs going up the steep roads of Antipolo. I was hard as nails but the farthest Ive ever ran in my life was 10miles. After I graduated, I still jog every now and then but it was erratic. In fact there was never a year that I didnt at least go for a run at least once a week. I feel kinda sad though that I never ran a race again for almost a decade.

When I moved to Singapore, I resumed my love for running and I usually ran for 30 minutes to an hour. The good thing about it was I also quit smoking in 2007, right around the same time I consistenly ran each week.

I joined a race also that year around September of 2007 called Run for hope gig which was not exactly competitive. It was more a fun run for fund raising. Still I was happy with myself that I was fit and healthy and doing exactly what I have always wanted to do. Run consistently.

This went on for awhile until June of 2008. It was ironic since that was one of the most important and exciting part of my life. I got hitched and my husband moved to Singapore to be with me. Things were really perking up for me. However, my running came to an abrupt halt. I just got too busy with work and also lazy to jog. On top of that was also I went back to my bad vice.

I attempted to go jogging a few months after we moved in our new place, but I got tired so easily and I was so exhausted that it took me weeks to recover from that 20minute run.

It was not until we moved to Pasir Ris on May 2009 that I made that firm decision to go running again. Usually it would just be me running around at night until recently my husband has decided to join me in my bid to be fit.

Although I have been jogging since May of last year, I would say that it is only during the past 2 months thats everything is on a more even keel. I can confidently say that Im ready to do this on a regular basis.

I might sound like Im getting a little ahead of myself, but Ive decided this is the year to run that marathon Ive always dreamt of. Yes its high time for me to accomplish that feat I shouldve done years ago during my heyday in running.

Despite being laden with all sorts of injuries like my recent Plantar fasciitis and on and off bout with weather induced asthma, I dont think I will change my mind. Only something major like getting pregnant or a serious injury would make me defer this plan to join a marathon. I dont mind having a kid, but if I dont have that kid this year, then this will be my marathon year.

Since this is a plan, I have also done some research. My main source of information is Runner's World. Ive been reading it for a few months and Id say it probably has everything I need to know about finishing a marathon. I still do consult some other sites when it comes to nutrition and for supplementary reading.

My marathon plan seem simple but Im sure it wont be once I start it. For now Im doing the 16 week endurance training which is basically piling on the mileage per week. I am yet to join 5K and 10K races in the upcoming weeks but for the last 2 solid months, Ive been slowly increasing the distance from 2 to 3.5. Hopefully by March I can start from 5 going up to 8 miles.

I am still checking on what best plan will suit me. For now this one I found on runner's world website seem perfect.

Beginner's Plan

Week M T W T F S S Total
1* Rest 4 miles, including 4:00 TUT Rest 1-hour run Rest 4 miles 6 miles 15-16 miles
2 Rest 4 miles, including 4:00 TUT Rest 1-hour run Rest 4 miles 7 miles 15-16 miles
3 Rest 4 miles, including 5:00 TUT Rest 6 miles Rest Rest 8 miles 18-19 miles
4 Rest 4 miles, including 5:00 TUT Rest 6 miles Rest Rest 9 miles 18-19 miles
5 Rest 4 miles, including 3x2:00 AI Rest 4 miles Rest 5-K race 6-8 miles 19-21 miles
6 Rest 5 miles, including 6:00 TUT Rest 7 miles Rest Rest 10 miles 22-24 miles
7 Rest 5 miles, including 6:00 TUT Rest 7 miles Rest Rest 12 miles 22-24 miles
8 Rest 5 miles, including 7:00 TUT Rest 8 miles Rest Rest 12 miles 25-27 miles
9 Rest 5 miles, including 7:00UTUT Rest 8 miles Rest Rest 14miles 25-27 miles
10 Rest 5 miles, including 3x3:00 AI Rest 4 miles Rest 10-K race 5 miles 24 miles
11 Rest 5 miles, including 8:00 TUT Rest 9 miles Rest Rest 16 miles 30-32 miles
12 Rest 5 miles, including 8:00 TUT Rest 9 miles Rest Rest 18 miles 30-32 miles
13 Rest 5 miles, including 9:00 TUT Rest 10 miles Rest 4 miles 20 miles 39 miles
14 Rest 5 miles, including 9:00 TUT Rest 10 miles Rest 4 miles 10 miles 29 miles
15 Rest 3 miles, including 3X3:00 AI Rest 5 miles Rest 3 miles, including 3x2:00 AI 5 miles 16 miles
16 Rest 3 miles, Including 3x2:00 AI Rest 3-mile jog Rest 2-mile jog Marathon


Aerobic Intervals (AI): Timed repetitions (of 2:00 to 3:00 minutes) slightly faster than your normal training pace--enough to make you breathe harder, but still not go anaerobic (panting, gasping, verge-of-out-of-breath). Jog slowly after each repetition until you are refreshed enough to run the next.

Total Uphill Time (TUT): The total number of minutes you spend running semivigorously up inclines--could be repeats up the same hill or total uphill time over a hilly loop.

Easy Runs: mean totally comfortable and controlled. If you're running with someone else, you should be able to converse easily. You'll likely feel as if you could go faster. Don't. Here's some incentive to take it easy: You'll still burn about 100 calories for every mile that you run.

Long Runs: are any steady run at or longer than race distance designed to enhance endurance, which enables you to run longer and longer and feel strong doing it. A great long-run tip: Find a weekly training partner for this one. You'll have time to talk about anything that comes up.

Speedwork: means bursts of running shorter than race distance, some at your race goal pace, some faster. This improves cardiac strength, biomechanical efficiency, running economy, and the psychological toughness that racing demands.

Race Day Rules: Run slower than you feel like you should be running over the first 12-13 miles. Look around, chat a bit with those around you. And walk through the aid stations, drink fluids, take a little break, then slowly resume your running.

Of course the key to carrying out this whole plan is still consistency. This plan will commence only after April. The hardest part right now is taking the first few steps to go out of that door and do my daily jog. Its so humid outside. It's a pain in the ass just thinking about it.

But its the euphoric high that drives me. No aesthetic treatment has ever made me feel the way I do everytime I accomplish a 30 or 1 hour run.

Running quote for the day:

There are as many reasons for running as there are days in the year, years in my life. But mostly I run because I am an animal and a child, an artist and a saint. So, too, are you. Find your own play, your own self-renewing compulsion, and you will become the person you are meant to be. ~George Sheehan

Feb 15, 2010

Hearty Run - 14.02.12

Me and my hubby went running today. It was not an easy run although it was just 40 minutes. Today was not as breezy as the previous days we ve been running. It was really humid and the first 10 minutes was really the most difficult part. After we went past the 10minutes, I could feel my left heel aching. Upon reaching the 20 minute mark, my midsection near the diaphragm, had this stabbing pain. It seemed that all the odds were against me. But I didnt stop from finishing our run. I knew that at the end of it Id feel better physically and psychologically than letting these minor setbacks prevent me from accomplishing my goal for the day. Ive been slacking for 3 days and it's time for me to punish myself for being lazy. Hehehe not really punish because I really love to run. Its just not easy especially when its too hot outside and I have this nagging pain on my heel.

But it was a great evening. After our run, we capped off the evening with a roasted pork meal and movie. Its very late now so I gotta go. Monday is rest day so I gotta prep up for another taxing day tomorrow. later peeps.

Daily thoughts on Mini Marble

Last December I ran into a cute cat by the block near White Sands Mall. I went jogging that same night and came back to give her some kibbles. When I stopped by the void deck, there were 3 people feeding the cat. It was a very interesting night and before I took off to finish jogging, me and the other girl, Lisa, wrote down each other's number.

We have been friends ever since and also have been keeping tabs of the cat's progress.

Its wonderful how I met new friends over this cat.

A quiet but beautiful Valentine's Day

Spent the day walking around Bedok and Pasir Ris. Unfortunately not a lot of establishments were open but we still had a splendid and decent meal.

Me and my husband strolled at teh small park near Bedok. We also saw a restaurant there called Spageddies and we're planning to eat there next week.

Feb 13, 2010

What is lazy?

I honestly dont understand what's so difficult with returning these fairprice trolleys . It shocks me how indifferent and lazy some people are.

I saw this near my block :

and this in front of the building where I work:
These photos were in a span of one month only. Wth?

Feb 6, 2010


Having a wonderful time in KL. Although this trip is not really intended for major sightseeings or night life, its a great way for me to relax. Last Thursday I went for a run with my baby and we clocked in:

Completed #iMapMyRun (Run): Distance 3.21 mi, Duration 0:40:07, Pace 12:29 min/mile, Speed 4.8 mph.

We had to do a couple of stops because of the traffic lights. One took forever like more than 3 minutes which was strange. Its aggravating but thats road running and you cannot really expect it to improve. Uninterrupted running can only be done at the tartan track. I am putting that off until the 4th month. For now I just want to enjoy piling on the mileage.

Right now I dont really want to focus on the speed since its inaccurate and distracting. This week was not too taxing since it was a 2 day recovery period before another run. Hopefully I can go for a 30-40 min slow running on Sunday night. I feel recharged now. I feel kinda sad thinking that tomorrow its time to head back home.

Im kinda excited to see my baby girls though. My precious bratty cats.

The cats seem confused yesterday as we packed our bags and cleared the room. We had to cat proof it and we didnt want to come back annoyed and fuming over their bad behavior. To avoid that, its best to preempt disaster. This time around Im less worried of leaving them behind. Our friend Nuri has done a good job of looking after them in the past. She is so accommodating. I sent her a note yesterday and she sent me a very reassuring response.

By the way I found a good book on the shelf here at the hostel. Its another one by my favorite author James Grisham. Im halfway through the novel and Im in another world. Its like I can taste the pasta, pizza and wine elaborately discussed in the book. Italy seems a nice place to live at. I am yet to know more about its culture. All I know about Italy is pasta and pizza and of course the Godfather trilogy. In this book it seems that Italy is all about its food, wine and Opera. The title is Playing for Pizza.

Speaking of Opera, I saw a play several years ago. It was Phantom of the opera and it was good but it was not like the one i watched with Gerard Butler in it. Comparing that play I watched and the Opera described in the book, I began to wonder if Broadway and Opera are the same. I have to look that up. I do like plays a lot and I havent seen one in a long time. Im kinda nostalgic just thinking about the Old Plays I used to watch at CCP.

For now I have to head out and see Putrajaya. Its already 2PM and its right about time to head for some serious lunch too.

Feb 3, 2010

DAILY THOUGHTS -02.02.2010

I slept for only 3 and a half hours today and although it was short, I had enough energy to get me by the entire day. But by end of my shift, reading some messages from the management sapped some of that energy.

Work is stressful.. I try real hard each day to do more than expected and I feel ignored and unappreciated. I dont expect much really but a little "good job" or pat in the back could do wonders. It wouldnt really cost them an arm or a leg to give us some recognition for our efforts.

I told myself that this year I will be more productive at what I do. Of course this entails some little sacrifices.
For one, I stay glued to my seat and I even count the bathroom breaks I make.

These little breaks altogether has an impact on the daily productivity. Each time spent bantering with colleagues at the pantry is not as short as we think. It stretches for another 30 minutes or so that couldve been used to do more at work.

I wouldnt really say that spending time with my friends at work is all idle talk. But we are in the office. It is not really a place for socializing but rather to work. I know it sounds like im taking the last amount of fun out of my job. But i dont really have much of a choice. one has to go. if i want better numbers, i have to focus at the expense of lunch and other unnecessary break times.

There is always another place for things that dont require me to stress myself out. It is definitely not in the office.

I keep to myself mostly and I prefer to sit down, listen to my ipod and just finish as much as I can in a day. Yet sometimes it doesnt seem enough. For the past year, there were even days I clocked in more hours and I didnt expect any additional pay for it. This is really taking a toll on my sanity and reason. How much more should I give to be acknowledged?

When you dont hit the target, you get scolded. If you meet and go beyond it, they seem to doubt how you are able to do it.

So what is it gonna be? Be mediocre and you'll go unnoticed.

Today is not okay. At least I got my rest day.

Tomorrow I need to run and clear my head.

Feb 2, 2010

DAILY THOUGHTS - on running, cats, new dog and old "dogs"

Slept for only 4 hours today so when I got home after work, I made a quick meal then passed out. I napped for 3 hours. Then I forced myself out of the house to go for a run. This is probably the most tiring workout I had. Maybe because our pace is a little faster than before and yeah I have been slacking for 5 days.

Our ran read:

#iMapMyRun (Run): Distance 3.38 mi, Duration 0:38:41, Pace 11:26 min/mile, Speed 5.2 mi/hr

Hopefully this will be consistent though. Its the second month since I have decided that Ill be joining a marathon at the end of the year. Thetimetable that I found on one website says that there should be at least 19 weeks of easy running before embarking on the actual marathon training. Im not sure if I read the minimum training should 15mi per week on the second month or 15 k. Honestly, Im not ready for 15 mi /week just yet. I just want to gradually build also my endurance and increase my mileage but not make this whole thing sound more like a task.
So far Im really enjoying getting back to running though. The only drawback is that I sleep late and yet I have to get up early for work.

For today not much really happened. I just went to work and bought a bag of meow mix on my way home.

Oh and before I finally reached our house, I ran into a group of kids and they saw me feed the stray cats. They asked me if they could get some of my kibbles and I said sure. They then fed the other cats and they were so happy and excited! It really made me smile=)

When I got home, I was surprised to see the black kitty roaming freely around the house.
The black kitty is in heat again so I expect some interrupted sleep. Oh another thing, they took the dog away today. My husband feels happy and I can tell that there is less stress in th house because the dog is gone..but my heart aches thinking about him. I wonder who else will take him? He is no longer a puppy and he is too old to learn new tricks. I just hope some kindhearted soul will take him in though..Poor White. He was not really that bad to me.

Speaking of old dogs and new tricks, I was at the train station this afternoon and alighted at the last stop on my way home. When I was about to swipe my mrt card, this old woman came out of nowhere, snuck right in front of me and swiped her card and took off.she was walking so slow though and i almost knocked her over when it was my turn. It was so weird. She was so fast then all of a sudden she decided to be really slow.

What a crazy hag. I guess its too late for her to learn any manners at this point.

Today was okay=)

Feb 1, 2010

Daily Thoughts - Goodbye M L

I know you've been with me through a lot. It has been a decade and you've been around during the good and bad times. I remember the first time we met. It was at Madison near my former university. I was hanging out with friends and one of the girls introduced me to you. At first I didn't like you. You made me feel awful. But my friend told me that I will get used to you if I gave you a chance. So I gave it a shot and yeah we did finally get along. A few months after I met you, I went to Medical School. I saw my Madison friends less and less because I got busy with school. Yet you were there with me. It was a love hate relationship that we had and some people I knew told me you were bad for me. They told me to get rid of you. I knew they cared but they didnt understand. How could they? Theyve never been in the same relationship.

I could always turn to you when I had a stressful day. You make me feel relaxed. You are always there when I feel like giving up and when I just want to hang out and drink with my other buddies. Youve been loyal and available.

But I can feel that our relationship is taking a toll on me. This has to stop.

Over the years Ive become too attached and dependent on you. If you were not around, Id be irritable and restless. I just feel that I cant go on one day if youre not there. It sounds crazy but its true. Yet there are also times youve made my life so miserable.

I have a hard time breathing lately because of all the stress you put me up to. But its not your fault. You never begged me to come and get you. The initiative has always been mine. You make it impossible for me to avoid you though. Almost everywhere I go, Im reminded of you.

When I moved to another country I thought I could forget you. For a year and a half I managed to wean myself off of your clutches. But how I missed you. So again, I was back to square one. It went on for another year and a half. I know its wrong but Ive gotten accustomed to reaching out to you.

Ive been thinking of how to really break this off and it has been hard. But I know that if I do not do anything now, I dont think I will ever get myself to ever do anything about it in the future. Old habits die hard is very true. So after years of contemplating about it and planning, I have firmly decided that we have to end this. It has been a tough ride for me but not only are you bad for my health but youre costly too. I have to say good bye to you now. I cannot promise I will not miss you but I definitely dont want you back.

So long Marlboro Lights. Time to end our one decade affair.