Daddy I miss you

circa 1955

1965

1965

1949

Dear Daddy,

Nagluto ako ng sinigang na bangus ngayon. Nagsaing din ako ng 2 tasa ng bigas,mMeron din akong hinandang iced tea na juice, ung paborito mo. Ipinaghain kita pero oo nga pala di mo ako masasabayan. Nakalimutan ko na naman na magisa lang pala ako dito sa bahay na kakain.

Nung isang araw galing ako ng palengke. Napadaan ako sa may bilihan ng barbecue, bumili ako ng isang stick.Napadaan din ako sa Dunkin Donuts at nakita ko ung paborito mo na bavarian. Bumili rin ako, kaso isa rin lng. Pauwi ay napadaan rin ako ng Chowking, umorder ako ng orange chicken lauriat at coke. Gusto ko sana ng braised beef at tokwa, kasi alam ko paborito mo yun..kaso di ko mauubos. Malulungkot lng ako habang kinakain ko yun..  Nung nasa palengke pala ako, nakita ko yung mga gulay na madalas mong pinapapaalalang bilhin ko, labanos, pechay, sayote, sitaw at kangkong. 5 Buwan na rin ako di namamalengke ng maramihan. simula nung mawala ka..

Oo nga pala, humihingi pa rin ako ng mga hasang ng isda sa palengke gaya nung dati. Bilin mo yun eh. Iluluto para sa mga alaga natin. Gustong gusto pa rin nila.Yung mga alagang aso at pusa di na  gano nakakakain gaya ng dati. Naaalala ko tatlong beses mo sila pinapakain sa isang araw. Gaya ko, sa tingin ko nangungulila rin sila sa yo.

Daddy pasensya ka na at nagdadrama ako ngayon. Miss na miss na kita. Araw araw naiisip pa rin kita. Namimiss ko yung bababa ako galing sa kwarto at sasabhin mo sakin "anak, magalmusal ka na" at me hinanda kang itlog, tuyo at sinangag na kanin. Yung 2 oras na kwentuhan natin na paulit ulit. Saka ung mga reklamo natin sa buhay habang umiinom ng kape. Minsan nakaka 3 baso ng kape tyo at ninenerbyos nako pagdating nga tanghali. Namimiss ko kapag nakita mo ako sa kusina at itatanong ano ang ulam. Kapag sinabi kong sinigang na baboy, adobong manok, tinola o nilagang baboy, mapapangiti ka na at sasabhing, "uy masarap yan!".

Higit sa lahat, namimiss ko yung tunog ng tricycle pag titigil sa tapat ng bahay. Yung pagdating mo galing bayan or kung san ka man nanggaling. Bitbit mo mga supot na puno ng pagkain, at meron kang isang supot na puro para sakin lng. Me chocolate, tinapay, yakult at kung ano ano pa. Nakakatawa nga eh ksi kahit nagtatrabaho nako, lagi pa rin ako may pasalubong galing syo.

Daddy, Im sorry ha? sana napatawad ko nako sa mga pagkukulang ko. Sana matagal ko na iniwan ang trabaho ko at inalagaan ka na lng. Hindi sapat ung 4 na buwan. Hindi ko alam na ganun lamang kaiksi pala ang ibibigay skin ng Dyos para makasama ka pa ulit..Ganun pa naman, nagpapasalamat na rin ako at nakapiling pa kita.

5 buwan na po ang nakalipas simula nung umalis ka. wlang araw na naging madali para sakin na tanggapin na wala ka na..

I miss you Daddy.. sana ay masaya ka nasan ka man.

Daily thoughts - Project Hump

Last December the cat count was 11. Now it is still 11. We have added two cats as of February but we lost also 2 from December to January.

We had a beautiful cat named Gibor who was born around March of 2008. 

March 2009, Gibor and Pretty

March 2009, Gibor with my niece Katharine and our family friend Mariel

March 2009

December 28 2010

December 29 2010 with Pretty

The neighbor found him on their driveway on January 5 2010.

His right hindleg was broken

January 5 2010

I was very upset when I saw him. Especially because I didnt even know who killed him. The previous night that he went missing, I even went joggingn and called his name everytime I passed by the house. I think he was still alive at this time. He may have been ran over a few days prior to his death and the shock from the pain may have been what killed him later on. This is the second cat who died in less than 3 weeks since Elmo,  another 3 year old  cat of ours died too last December 18, 2010.

Dec 16, 2010

Elmo's blood on the street

We put Elmo'sbattered body in a box.

 I got back from a reunion on the evening of December 18 to find Elmo's lifeless body sprawled on the street. One of his eyes looked like it was gouged from its socket.

We buried both pets in our yard but never even found out who killed them.

I understand that roads are meant for cars to drive by. But still, isnt it a driver's responsibility to also ensure he drives carefully and cautiously especially on a residential street?

Ive lived in this neighborhood for years. Ive also learned how to drive here but Ive never ran over any animal.  I am saddened by the death of my pets because no one gives a shit about them except me. In fact our neighbor, who happens to be the current "president" of the homeowner's assocation" didnt even entertain my idea on putting a hump on our street. According to him, we should cage our animals. Cage? his dog  was a hit and run victim too, but miraculously survived (although they were too cheap to bring him to the vet) and now is back roaming the street (which our neighbor denied although im out jogging at night and Danny the dog is ever present.) I would even loudly call the dog everytime Im out so that his stupid owner will hear it.

Im planning on getting a hump built this coming month. I will be asking our neighbors to help me in raising the money or better yet, they can just donate the materials. Ill be donating sacks of cement and even gravel. I worry not just about my pets but even the kids here. A lot of little children play during the afternoon on our street and just like our cats, theyd carelessly just dart out of their house. In fact I was jogging one time when one kid just suddenly came out of their gate without looking either way and tripped  before he almost landed near my foot. He was lucky coz I was able to catch him before his head hit the pavement.

Our street is supposed to have humps to make vehicles slow down because apparently these bastards drive without any regard for any living being that might cross. Im sure it wont be long before a kid gets killed or maimed because of people's apathy on imposing stricter rules. And when that ever happens I wonder if they can say, kids are not supposed to be out in the street playing. They should be locked up at home, or caged?. Ridiculous. I grew up on these streets. There were vehicles when I was growing up, but the drivers were courteous  unlike these assholes who do not live here but use our road like they are in a drag race.

And today, another cat fell victim. The cat we call rapist because I think he is the father of most of the kittens in our house.

rapist on the roof last year

Poor Rapist

I moved him to the vacant lot next door

Rapist's kids : Squid and Maki

Pepper's kids with Rapist: Enchong Dingdong, Coco and Piolo.

RIP Rapist. Im sorry you had to die this way.

I wasnt really fond of him but I didnt want him to get killed ..This cat really infuriates the hell out of our dog Arnold. Rapist is lucky because Arnold is on a leash and helplessly just watches while the Rapist stalks our female cats.

A candle for the killed cats on our street..RIP guys..

I just hope I dont catch any of these drivers killing a pet of mine then escaping from the crime scene. I dont know what Ill do but most likely I would chase them and.. cry? haha I honestly dontknow..but I hope it doesnt escalate to me doing something I might get in trouble for. I know I have a terrible temper and I love these animals eventhough most of them arent really mine.

But for now its better to prevent more cat deaths. Ill start asking around tomorrow on when they want us to have this hump installed. I dont know if I still need to ask the permission of the "president" (f@#%^!). Well he doesnt own this neighborhood and he doesnt care so its rather pointless to ask him.

I was at one of our neighbors house this afternoon and I brought pancakes with me. I fed the kids who frequent my little store.

small and normal sized pancakes

Bembem

Tenten

Im glad they loved the pancakes!

I dont know what this guy is saying on the video but he sounds pissed! His hump idea is cool though.



Dude Pranks With Homemade Speedbump - Watch more Funny Videos

Neat huh? hehehe

Daily thoughts - On bleaching and ugliness

Someone called me ugly a few years back not because I had bad looking eyes, popcorn nose nor nonexistent lips. It was because I had yellowish teeth due to some medications I took when I was younger.

I didnt retaliate because the person who called me ugly looks like mongoloid.

But I did tell myself, fuck yellow teeth can be bleached but you cant bleach UGLY.

My husband disagreed. He said "Sure you can.  But it's still ugly afterwards.  It's just whiter."

Daily thoughts - The mystery kitty..solved!

Most of the artworks I treasure at home are those made by my dad. But there also some posters he gave me that I especially like. These 4 vintage posters were given to when I was a little girl. I have one thats almost about to fall apart and the rest are missing. I did remember seeing the black cat poster last year but I dont know where I put it.

the poster in my room

i have this and the 2 other posters below somewhere in the house

I have tried looking it up on the net but I wasnt lucky the past year. Today I tried using Big eyed cat and finallly I found the name of the artist. His name is Gig and he was popular in the 60's. They called these paintings the Pity Kitties. I wasnt able to get a lot of information on him (or her) yet but I will try to research on it when I have the time. I did find these cool sites though:

http://www.angelfire.com/ny/yorik/gig/default.html

http://besmirched.tripod.com/gigology.html

Im a fan of big eyed arts and it wasnt because of anime. Its that poster that my dad gave that fueled that fascination that evolved into semi obsession. I just love those huge, soulful yet enigmatic eyes of these kind of drawings/paintings.

I found out also there is a book about the Big Eyed Masters. I ll have to check on Amazon if its available or if someone can send me a bootleg copy, that would be great. =)

Daily thoughts - Cat vs human

visit this site for more awesome photos and stories

Growing up, I was a painfully shy girl. I didnt really mingle with a lot of kids and I mostly kept to myself. I have always been the most withdrawn, quiet and antisocial kid in class. Some of my teachers mistook at as having problems at home and others just considered me weird. Its actually a little of both. I was a sickly kid and I dont really enjoy being in the company of too many people.

For 10 years since I was born, we lived in a one bedroom apartment in the central part of Manila. We werent exactly poor but we almost didnt qualify as middle class either. It was somewhere in between. Still, my folks did their best to give us a normal childhood. I didnt have barbie dolls or other fancy toys. I did have some nice toys that were bought, given as gifts and the rest were hand me downs. I wore the same pair of shoes in school as long as they fit and didnt have holes and my uniform was some old blouse and skirt from friends of my mom. But I was a kid, these things didnt matter to me until I was taunted in class for it. My classmates made fun of my blouse which was always too big for me. Also they would wonder why I have socks of different length. They also thought I was too skinny and tiny compared to most of them. Actually, I was the youngest because I started school early and skipped K1. The school thought K1wasnt necessary since I already went through nursery. So in short I was bullied most of the time but despite being small, I always fought back. Kids didnt mess around with me anymore but I had only a few friends.

I started hating going to school and I became more isolated. I still attended classes though but I have a vague memory of remembering whether I really enjoyed it at all.I liked staying at home more often and also in the company of my pets. It sounds crazy but I would talk to my cats and it seems they understood me or so I thought.=)

me and my brother. cats from l-r carmina, nikki, luggy and mingming.

Up until we moved to the new house when I turned 10, I remained an introvert. I left my previous school and Im sure no one even noticed that I have transferred to a new one. But it didnt really matter. We moved and so did our many cats. I dont remember exactly how many we had but two of them were as old as I was. Their names were Mingming and Cheche. Our new place was not any bigger than the apartment we lived at for 10 years (12 years for my folks). But it was our own house and lot now. Our cats had more space to play around and I was able to learn how to ride a bike and made new friends, this time, kids just like me.


School became tolerable, later on fun. And over the years Ive always had cats and dogs.

That was a  long time ago and Ive lost track of how many cats and dogs weve had over the last 2 decades. But I cannot really imagine not having any pets at all. I have four cats living in my room right now and there are 7 more downstairs namely:

1) Squid (9months)
2) Maki (9 months),
3) Glory (15 years old)
4) Pretty (4 years old)
5) Pepper (4 years old)
6) Ingay ( I have no idea since he just recently moved in with us, uninvited of course)
7) Eggnog (4 years old)

and Four dogs

1) Arnold (female 3 years old)
2) Murgeet (female 3 years old)
3) Docman (female 1 year old)
4) Younghusband (nickname Yubby, 2 months old)

Not everyone in our house share my sentiment when it comes to taking care of animals but at least they dont hurt or kill them. However, their apathy is quite disturbing. They dont feed the animals with clean food and never give them fresh water. This is what makes me miss my Dad more. He was always good to animals.



There was an incident  last December 2010 that kinda supports my conclusion as to why I think my family doesnt care too much about the pets here. But right now, things seem calm around the house and no one is threatening to get rid of the cats.


Yesterday however, I was told by our neighbor that the cats should be caged. I asked why. Ive lived in this place longer than he has and all of a sudden here he is lecturing me about how I should care for my animals. I guess this was after an argument we had regarding two of my cats that were ran over by a speeding car. Our street is being turned into a highway by students from the College near our house. Instead of our neighbor suggesting a way to prevent such an event from happening, he wants us, the residents, to adjust to the carelessness of such idiots who have no courtesy on the road. Our neighborhood is a private subdivision and these kids shouldnt even be allowed to park their cars here, or worse, drive like maniacs.

Ill be writing another post about that though. I just find it commonsensical to install a hump on the road because next time, it could be the little children playing on the street that may get killed and not just animals. I dont understand why noone has thought of that. And why the president of the Homeowner's association of this neighborhood didnt even think or suggest that simple idea. Well what can I expect from someone who eats dogs anyway. Why would he care about our cats, he doesnt have any. He has a bunch of chickens in his backyard though and roosters (that fucking wake me up at 4 am because our neighbor decided to use the empty lot next door as its hang out place) and a dog that almost died that he never even brought to the vet. I was shocked to hear the neighbor's wife suggest that their dog should be replaced with a non gimpy one. and what should happen to the dog that got ran over but is still alive?? discard it like a toy? or eat it? I dont know but these people's backward mentality makes me cringe in disgust and annoyance. Well im keeping a close watch on Danny, their dog. If by any chance the neighbor decides that Danny is big enough to be palatable to his taste buds, Im going to give PSPCA or CARA  a call.


And that is why sometimes Id rather spend time with my pets than talk to some human beings who are both stupid and selfish. They should be the ones on a leash or a cage.

Daily thoughts -The Brevity of Life

A friend of mine left a message on facebook wall that has bothered me since yesterday. Our Microbiology teacher in college just passed away from Hemorrhagic stroke last February 19, 2011. He was one of the most respected professors from the College of Science at De La Salle University Taft Manila. He was also my thesis advisor for one year. He was a kindhearted man who was a good friend and confidante during my college days. I havent seen him since I went to Medical School but that doesnt change the fact that I have always thought of him fondly. I couldnt believe the sad news. This great man was only 42 years old.

I suddenly had an epiphany on the meaning of life. How precious it is yet how we take it for granted on a daily basis..we act like we are going to be here forever. We harbor grudges, gloat on someone's impending failure and we cant wait for our enemies to languish when they finally get their long overdue karma. We also work for the wrong reasons, the most obvious of all is money. It doesnt matter if we have to work long agonizing hours on a job we hate, as long as the pay is great, its acceptable. We miss a family member's birthday, we put off making that call to say sorry, we think there will be another time to do it. We postpone even our own happiness until we get that big break, that huge paycheck, our degree or when we land the perfect job or travel overseas.

But what if, it was all over? Can we really say we lived a full life?

I have been contemplating on the decisions Ive made in the past few years and the more recent months since I relocated home. Im currently living at our old house, broke and jobless. A year ago I had a job, a comfortable home and some money in the bank. Not much but enough to live off for a few months in case I decided to be lazy. But I left it all behind for an uncertain life in my country. Because, I believed that there are things far more important than money or success. I love my Dad and that was enough for me to  abandon what I worked hard for to achieve in the last 3 years, and just go home and be with him.


Still, I lost my Dad 4 months ago. There is not a day that I dont think of him. I miss him very much. He was a great man not because he was famous nor rich but because he was a very good father. He was selfless, kind and valued his family over anything else. He is one of the kindest people I know when it comes to animals too. He would give our pets the same meal he had if his money wasnt enough to buy cat or dog food.  He never fed our pets garbage or rotten food unlike some people I know who can afford to feed the animals better but wont. For 4  months after his death, regret hovered over my head..that I wasnt able to give him the quality of life he deserved..especially on his final days. I wished I could have done or given more. But angrily I thought, I was not his only child. There were 4 other siblings and yet, I was the only one who bought his medicine and his special food. I honestly felt  bad towards my family for not contributing even food for my Dad and worse for not being there when he passed away.

Today, after assessing my feelings and deciding on what I should do, I feel like a burden was lifted off my shoulders. I realized that I shouldnt be angry anymore. It will not bring my dad back. Also, if I have lost whatever money I made for the past few years to make my Dad's life a little comfortable, then maybe I have given him my best. Im proud of my Dad. I believe he lived a full life because he did what made him happy and he was still the kind generous man until he passed away.  I have the highest respect for him because he gave his all.

Also I thought that I did what I could for him while he was alive. As for my shortcomings, its time I forgive myself too.  Life is really too short to carry around these hang ups with me. Time to unclutter, forgive and move on.

And again, I thought of my favorite teacher, Dr Anthony Lee. I remember him as a witty and  intelligent guy. He was always brimming with so much enthusiasm like its his first day in school all the time.  I couldnt forget also that incident where he was discussing something about gonorrhea then he tripped on the plaftorm near the blackboard and he grabbed the table just in time before he dove head first. We were stunned. Then he looked at all of us and quipped "Kaya nyo yon?" (english: can you do that?)  which made us roar in laughter. He was funny but serious when it came to his class. Microbiology was one of the most dreaded and notorious subjects back in College. They flunked not just a handful but enough to make an entire section.

I decided to not join my teammates on a track and field tournament in Bacolod. I stayed in my dorm to study for the final exams in Microbiology. I had to pass it. I almost didnt. I had to beg Dr Lee to recheck my papers because even if you were 0.1- 0.449 short from the passing mark, it is considered a fail. I dont specifically dislike Microbiology, it was just difficult. It was unforgettable because when I got my course card and saw I flunked I flipped out and stormed in the Biology Department making a scene. I couldnt believe myself too but it was one of those things I did in College that Im proud of. Im glad also that Dr Lee was kind enough to let me recheck my exams. And there was indeed one or two answers in an exam where two of the multiple choices were both correct. Needless to say, Microbiology, the hardest subject in Biology, isnt among the subjects I failed in College.

On my final year in College, Dr Lee was my thesis adviser. Ironically, I chose a thesis entitled, Screening of Antimicrobial properties of Crude extracts of  7 selected Chinese Herbs.  He was surprised I chose a thesis on Microbiology when he thought I apparently hated that subject. I just smiled and said, "youre wrong! its my favorite subject."  He shook his head laughing. He guided me until I finally defended my thesis. 

I visited some of my professors 10 years ago at my old school. Unfortunately Dr Lee wasnt around. I never got in touch with him again after college and I kinda feel bad I didnt. Medschool took up much of my time and it was like I lost contact with the outside world.

Dr Anthony Lee was among the few teachers that I truly liked and admired.  Im proud that I have been one of his students. He has taught me more than just the minute germs that we hate. The most important lessson was not taught in class but rather the life he exemplified. He pursued what made him happy. He lived his passion when he chose a noble profession such as teaching and he clearly loved it and spent years perfecting it.


I mourn the loss of a great teacher but I also celebrate him. I want to emulate the kind of life he had. I want to pursue what makes life more meaningful.  And like what I read somewhere said, "you cannot control the length of your life, but you can control its depth."

Its great to know that each day is another chance for a new beginning. A refreshed outlook in life can do a lot but it has to be backed up by the right attitude and a little courage. I have no time to feel sorry for myself. The job hunting continues and the beautiful life goes on. And I forgot to add, my sick cat just recovered so another reason for me to be thankful and to keep em kibbles coming.

Thumper recovering

Daily thoughts - My baby girl is home!

After being confined for one week, my cat Thumper was finally discharged today. I could tell that I wasnt the only one excited.

Pretending she wasnt excited to see me

Thumper without her IV drip

Cesar the wonderful vet assistant who took care of Thumper

I havent paid the bill yet because I had trouble getting cash from the ATM. Also Im also a little short so hopefully tomorrow when I go back to the clinic to settle the bill, I can work out some payment arrangement.  I covered Thumper with some of the bedding because we had to board a tricycle. I thought she would be terrified like last time. Surprisingly, she was nonchalant about it. She seem more interested to peek through the carrier and check out what's going on outside. People were amused to see her when I walked through the market on my way to board another tricycle. Most of them were saying "Ay Pusa! (oh its a cat!), ang cute!".

I took a video of the tricycle ride but the quality is poor since I just used my nokia jurassic phone.

The other cats in the house were meowing loudly when I got home. I think they havent had their dinner yet. I fed them some kibbles before I left for town though. One of the new cats named Ingay, rushed to check out the carrier. Thumper didnt like him and hissed. She knew he was an impostor. Very true! Ingay has a collar and Im sure someone owns him. He just showed up one day ( a few weeks ago) in our house and was very assertive in demanding to be fed. Well I dont turn cats away and just fed the little bastard. So from then on Ingay has become a part of the family. He isnt allowed inside the room though. Squid, Maki, Glory, Pretty, Pepper and Ingay are only granted access to our living room and dining area. My brother told me that Pretty snuck in their room last night though, with her damn boyfriend. Slutty cat. So in total there are 10 cats in the house. Four lives in my room namely Thumper, Dapper, Enchong and Boomer.

Thumper went under the bed right away when I opened her carrier

The first thing she did after her short stroll under the bed was to climb her scratch post. No help from me!

Enchong looking curiously at the "new" cat.

Thumper relaxing after her tour of the room.

I put a clean pillowcase on the bed to make her comfortable.

I think she was really tired. She dozed off again.

The vet on duty recommended a dextrose solution that can be taken orally. This is in case Thumper still refuses to eat.

Dextrose solution

one tablespoon

dropper for feeding

250 ml water (already poured in the container with the solution)

Water and the dextrose solution

I just gave a little to Thumper today because she really didnt like it. Also there was an improvement. She started eating some kibbles around 11pm today.

Thumper eating some of Boomer's kibbles. Boomer seem to be looking but she has no eyes.

Thumper was starting to act normally again. I took some videos of her cleaning herself and also playing.Little steps but I was really so happy and excited. Its like watching my baby walk for the first time.

A little after midnight I heard some commotion outside the window. Ingay tried to climb the window by the side of my room. That crazy cat. I think he wanted to snoop on my female cats.

I heard some noise and some rattling sound so I looked out the window

Ingay climbing by the side of our house

He wanted to jump in our window when he saw Dapper but I said NOOOO

Making his way down

Thumper didnt care too much for Ingay. Dapper on the other hand was curiously watching by the window.

Some of the videos I took of Thumper



Here she is cleaning herself



And here is my favorite, Thumper scratching my yoga mat. Along with her are her sisters Dapper and Boomer. Enchong is under the desk playing with one of his toys.



And lastly, here is the damn culprit that almost toasted my baby girl

the power strip

Im trying to figure out a way how to get this thing away from the cats' reach. Its a miracle that my Baby girl is actually alive right now. But of course I need to take the necessary precautions now because I cannot go through that ordeal again. I was sleep deprived and I couldnt eat well worrying over my cat.

I have the Lord to thank and also people who have prayed and even donated forThumper's bill! Lastly, I think I need to thank Boomer, my blind cat.

You see, Boomer was supposed to have her surgery last February 10. However, she was refused again because according to the vet, she is still too small. Her surgery was postponed for another month.Her eye swelling has subsided and I just wipe her everyday and instill artificial tears. Ive stopped the antibiotics temporarily because her eyes arent having any purulent discharge as of the moment. Also the vet told me not to let her be dependent on antibiotics because the germs might become resistant to it.  Anyway a month ago, some good people chipped in to shoulder half of the surgery bill. I have put away just enough money for the remaining half.

Boomer's artificial tears

Thumper got sick around Valentine's Day. I had to make a deposit at the clinic. Also, my store wasnt making enough money anymore and the cat food has run out. This is when I decided I had to borrow Boomer's money (technically it belongs to her). I promised I would give it back after I get my pay. I realized also that if Boomer's surgery pushed through, then I probably would have been really hurting for money because those daily trips to the vet was also draining my stash.


Things do happen for a reason. Although I was initially upset that they kept putting Boomer's surgery off, Im kinda glad that they did. Somehow this has saved me and Thumper. I didnt compromise my daily visits and I was able to afford to feed the other cats also.

So Thank you Boomer! I will make it up to you next month=) As for Thumper, Welcome Home Baby Girl!